Torn

I have been in Swazi for 3 weeks now- WHAT?! I can't believe that in one short week I will be hopping on a plane and heading back home. My time here has been absolutely incredible and the relationships I have made make leaving that much harder. Throughout this trip there have been times that I have been homesick and really missing people back home, but now as my time is coming to an end here in Swazi, I think about everyone here and how I am going to miss them dearly. As I prepare for my transition back home, there are a few things I'm nervous about:

1. My progress with the Lord:
Being here in Swazi, I have grown in my faith immensely and I'm nervous that I will lose all of the progress I have made. Before coming on this trip, I wasn't exactly sure where I was with my faith. I knew I believed in the Lord, but I never actively pursued a relationship with Him. Being surrounded by His word every day and really learning about Him made it clear to me that I want and need Him in my life. It is so easy to get caught up with life that God kind of gets put on the back burner.

2. How this experience and my new relationship with God will play into my relationships with friends and family:
As I said before, there have been times here that I miss home so much, but now the thought of leaving here outweighs my desire to be home (*family/friends don't take offense to that*). I'm afraid that people won't understand my experience. As I tell my loved ones about my time here, they can act interested in what the last month of my life has been like, but they won't really get it--no one can fully understand unless they have done it themselves. I'm also nervous for how my new-found relationship with the Lord will effect my current relationships with people, especially those who aren't religious. I have grown so much in the last month and I'm afraid that people who don't know the Lord won't understand where I am with my faith--that it will create distance and separation that wasn't there before. For friends and family, as I prepare for my journey home, just remember that my emotions will be all over that place and sometimes I might need to be alone to process everything that has happened this past month--and that's OK!

With that being said, I can't wait to share my experiences with everyone. This past month has been a life-changing experience and I wouldn't have changed anything.